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If a person was having sex outside of his or her primary relationship - with a neighbor, a coworker, a casual acquaintance, a prostitute, or perhaps a total stranger - then he or she was cheating.
However, in today’s world of social media, chat rooms, digital pornography, interactive webcams, instant messaging, “adult friend finder” apps, sexting, and the like, the definition of cheating is somewhat murky.
Plus, it’s not just anyone who’s causing this pain.
The injury - the trauma - experienced by betrayed partners is amplified by the fact that they have been cheated on by the person they most counted on to have their back. It’s also not unusual for a questioning partner to have his or her suspicions and/or intuition denied, often for years, by an unfaithful spouse who repeatedly insists that he or she is not cheating, that he or she really did need to stay late at work, etc.
Sometimes they decide to “cheat back” in retaliation (nearly always hating themselves for doing it).
Many become compulsive with substances or behaviors - alcohol, drugs, eating, exercise, spending, etc.
In some ways the trauma that arises when a cheated-on partner learns about his or her significant other’s infidelity stems from the fact that while the cheater has obviously known about the extracurricular sexual activity all along and may actually be feeling some relief once caught, the betrayed spouse is usually blindsided by the information.
That said, I offer here a simple, straightforward definition of sexual infidelity, developed through more than two decades of work with betrayed spouses and their ultimately remorseful mates.
At the end of the day, sexual infidelity is not so much about the physical sex act - either in the real world or online - it’s about the fact that you are keeping it a secret from your partner, the one person in the world with whom you supposedly share everything.
Filmmaker Charlie Russell gives a brilliantly sensitive and non-judgmental account of his subjects, gently questioning what effect the pressure and lifestyle of being webcam stars has on the couples, and what – aside from money – they get out of it.
With a Louis Theroux-ish penchant for understated humour (“I wasn’t quite sure what I was letting myself in for.